My daughter potty trained in a day. She was a textbook kid who showed all the signs of readiness and was excited and proud to be a “big kid.” My boys, on the other hand, were the opposite of textbook. In fact, there wasn’t much written anywhere that I could find that was helpful for our specific difficulties. It took us months of trial and error before we were consistently successful. If you’re in the thick of it, I hope you find something here that inspires you to move forward with a new game-plan for tomorrow. You got this!
GETTING STARTED
For each of my kids, we loosely followed the technique outlined in Oh Crap Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki. Phase 1 involves providing lots of juice/water and having your toddler not wear any pants or a diaper and when they start to pee, you quickly set them on the potty. My first son had an extremely hard time being naked due to sensory issues so although I’m a rule follower and prefer to stick to plans, we had to change it up on Day 2 and just have him wear pants without a diaper even though we technically weren’t ready for Phase 2 yet. The moral of the story is: No book is a one size fits all approach and you may have to adjust based on your child’s specific needs.
ROADBLOCKS
The main roadblocks to potty training are Anxiety, Refusal, and Withholding/Delaying so let’s get down to business.
ANXIETY– Potty training is a big adjustment for kids so it makes sense that they might have some reservations about it.
- Fear of something new- Anything new and unfamiliar can be scary. Read plenty of potty books, consider creating a social story with pictures of your own bathroom, toilet, and potty chair. If you’re comfortable, consider keeping the door open when you use the bathroom and go potty together.
- Fear of noise- Some kids are really sensitive to the sound of the toilet flushing especially in public bathrooms. You can put a sticky note over the sensor in a public restroom so you have control over when the toilet is flushed.
- Fear of pain- If your child has been constipated in the past, it can be scary to try going potty again. Keep their diet high in fiber and fluid and consult your pediatrician regarding laxatives if they have ongoing issues. You may have to take a break from potty training and try again in a few months.
REFUSAL– One of the signs of readiness for potty training is a willingness to use the potty. Our pediatrician told us to continue waiting until my son was ready. However, I felt that if I waited for him to be interested in the potty I’d be waiting forever to get started. Over the course of several months, I kept checking in and offering various rewards but he was completely disinterested. We had tried all the fun potty songs, videos, and books, but nothing was catching his interest. Finally our OT suggested rewarding him just for sitting on the potty chair WITH his clothes on. That gave him a taste of success and was enough of a confidence boost that we were finally able to get started. I also found that his potty chair wasn’t super comfortable so I let him pick out a new seat and that also helped motivate him.
Some experts warn against using rewards for potty training because it has the potential to turn into a power struggle down the road. Personally, I went with my pediatrician’s advice on this one: “DO WHATEVER WORKS.” For my first son, I tried giving him a series of toys but it wasn’t until we jointly decided on a Cupcake Party if he got X amount of stickers on his potty chart that he was finally successful. My middle son wanted to earn small toys and my daughter was happy with an M&M each time she went for the first couple days. Please consider what works best for you and your family regarding rewards.
WITHHOLDING/DELAYING
Another huge issue can be delaying urination or defecation. My son used to withhold his poo until naptime or bedtime when I would put his diaper on. Then as soon as I would put him in his crib, he would go Number 2 despite having tried the potty beforehand. This went on for months before I figured out a good solution. To a toddler, a diaper feels like comfort and security so it takes time to figure out how to relax enough to go potty without it.
- Step 1: Before naptime OR when you know they need to go Number 2, put their diaper on and encourage them to go in the bathroom to poo. Give them privacy. If they poo in their diaper while IN the bathroom, this is a huge step forward so you can reward this behavior. Once they’ve been able to go Number 2 in the bathroom 5 times (yes in their diaper), move onto step 2.
- Step 2: Encourage them to sit on the potty WITH the diaper on. Once they’ve been successful 5 days, move onto step 3.
- Step 3: This sounds weird, but lots of Occupational Therapists swear by it: Consider cutting a hole in their diaper. Have them sit on the potty to go Number 2. They will still feel the comfort of the diaper but they will have the success of actually going in the potty. You can gradually cut the hole bigger and bigger until they are getting used to going without a diaper!
- Step 4: They are ready to try it without a diaper!
This process is intended to gradually teach them to let go of the safety blanket of the diaper and you are supporting them through this change.
This is the very basic chart that I created for my own son (Row 1: In the bathroom with a diaper. Row 2: Sitting on the potty with a diaper. Row 3: Sitting on the potty WITHOUT a diaper). Using visuals is really helpful for toddlers.
If your child is withholding urine, you can try giving them privacy while they sit on the potty. Make sure they are physically comfortable. I would use a potty chair before using a seat insert on the big toilet at first. Try running the water and then leave the room; a lot of times kids just need a little space and they will surprise you.
When my son was refusing to even sit, I would set up a fun timer on my phone so he could watch the timer count down for 2 minutes then I would give him a sticker just for sitting, whether he peed or not. Withholding urine for extended periods of time can cause UTIs and other issues, so definitely pause potty training and consult your pediatrician if it’s a continuing problem.
What Potty Training Issues are you dealing with? Let me know in the comments!